Movies and Babies

Omg, we are those people. Tonight we did what I vowed never to do and that is to take a person under the age of 20 to a movie with us. Blast! We screwed up and we screwed up big time. My husband had gotten free tickets to Fantastic Four (probably the producers of the movie should give everyone free tickets; it isn’t quite right charging for that movie) and the baby is not quite four months so we took the little fella along with us. We discussed it in length beforehand and analyzed the potential outcomes, none of which were that great, but decided we would likely never see these people again and that makes them not real people. Oh the shame! You ever walk into a big movie theater with a baby strapped to your chest? Don’t do it. The sheer hatred that greeted us was palpable. A weaker person would have melted by the power of it. And I can’t say that I blame them because I had always believed there was a time and a place for babies and movie theaters is never the time nor the place (a nail salon is another one of those places and yet another place I’ve desecrated with the presence of a baby; hey, I’ve lost all semblance of pride with this fourth child). I don’t care how quiet they are, just knowing they are there, ready to make baby noises upsets me (says the mother of four…). Uh huh. So here I am on the other end of things, avoiding all possible eye contact with any possible person, and shamefully trying to sit as close to the exit as I could, meanwhile feeling absolutely torn the entire time. I was torn between being ashamed and being defensive of the loathsome parent I had become. Look people, I’m tired of hiding away. I’m tired of not going to movies, not going out with friends, and not doing crack. Kids have already ruined whatever personality I used to have, the least I can do is pretend I still have the will to put jeans on and make it to the theater, baby or no baby! So take courage parents, I support you! Take your babies to the movies! Endure the glares and side comments made! You are not alone! Be brave! Be stalwart! Just don’t you dare do it when I’m there because I will burn a hole in your head with the look I can give. Hey, I paid a babysitter, you can do the same.

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